well, I love to live in Germany (most of the times) and this is a bit sarcastic, but with some truth in it, don't you think? :-)
If you should ever plan to visit Germany coming from abroad....
...ask yourself first: is it really necessary? There must be a very good reason... noone comes to Germany just for fun, usually. In most cases you HAVE to come: business, duties, commitments, love. Regarding the first three possible reasons Germany is the perfect place: everyone is correct, punctual, reliable, serious about things...well, in most cases. You will probably manage to do your work there quite well, IF... if you speak German perfectly and look like a German and behave like a German...which means: you have to be a linguistic genius and an actor as well.
Regarding the l(e)ast possible reason to come to Germany, love...: what happened that you fell in love in GERMANY? Was this really necessary? Italian, French, English, Irish, African, Indian, American people are much more charming than GERMANS! Do you really want to fall in love with a German banker, clerk, post-office official...? Oh no...
So, but you DO have important unavoidable commitments in Germany?
So here is what you have to know when you arrive at a German airport: first be prepared to humiliate yourself because you will have many difficulties to find the right way. No administration whatsoever in Germany feels the duty to put up the right signposts so that everybody and even strangers can get along easily. You surely will have to ask someone and that‘s the first hurdle for anyone who comes from abroad and doesn‘t speak German perfectly (who does? not even the Germans do!) So you try to ask for the right way in English ... and that‘s a huge sin in Germany. Ask in proper German and be devoted as well...maybe someone will show you the way then mumbling: „Da lang!“ (which means: this way!) You won‘t understand this answer at once and I bet you won‘t dare to ask again... you are not a masochist, are you? But you say „Thank you“ nevertheless because you are NOT German, no, YOU are educated...
So ...you stand in line then in front of a clerk‘s desk, because these people do really manage to give information in English - generally speaking. While you are standing in line be prepared to be scrutinized intensely, especially if you are dark or black skinned or you‘re wearing funnily coloured or unusually cut clothes. German people do mistrust anyone who seems to know other cultures or even comes from a very different one. Be perfectly relaxed, maybe you know Thai Chi or something?... because you surely don‘t want to wreck your nerves during your stay in Germany? You plan to stay for a longer period of time, really? For more than a few days? Why??? ok, we discussed that above...
You know...the Germans are proud of their great culture which they believe is woven around Goethe, Schiller and two or three more, none of whom anyone really knows in Germany. And they refuse bitterly to have this great culture influenced badly by strange habits, like for example: be helpful and polite to everyone, smile at someone nice who comes your way, buy a coffee for „to go“ and say „Excuse me“ if you have pushed someone on the street unintentionally... German people do use their elbows in any sense of the word. They are used to fighting individually first and foremost and it‘s completely unusual for them to put a value on ideas like solidarity, friendship, welcoming new things, easy-living. So you will never find a park in Germany where black, white, young, old people are dancing together to Samba-rhythms in the summer, on a work day at noon. Never. So, why would you like to come to Germany then? You will soon start to ask this question yourself.
So, if you managed to ask the clerk at the airport for the „kiss and ride“-area of the airport and you survived having looked at the intense disgust written in his face (kiss???? and what????) and managed to deal coolly with his reply: „Sie suchen die Abfertigungshalle? Oder den ÖPNV- Kassenautomat?“(untranslatable) ...you will decide that it‘s the best to ask quickly for the flight-departure-area instead, find it quickly - it‘s not impossible!, take the next plane to Samoa or somewhere else, breathe deeply and make plans to evacuate your love or your little money or both to a more friendly place on earth.
by Maria :-)
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